Thursday, July 27, 2017

TWINter is Coming -- My Pregnancy Story

baby ang

24 Weeks. That's how long our little bundles of joy have been living inside my tummy and it also means we're pretty much thisclose to the finish line. I got to admit that it took me a while to really decide to share my story most especially about my pregnancy journey. As chatty I may be when it comes to food, I try to keep my personal life away from the limelight but I realized that I'm not alone in this world and there may be women...or couples out there who are going through what we went through so here I am extending my hand to tell you this early on that you will never be alone.

As soon as we got married, Paul and I were told to wait for 2 years before having a baby due to feng shui reasons. We were perfectly fine with this despite the increasing number of questions being thrown our way by relatives and friends on why should we even wait. I was 27 then.. Paul was 28. That seemed like the right age to have a baby, right? Wrong. Looking back, I must say that yes, we were ready to tie the knot but had we immediately became parents right away, things would have probably turned out differently for us. We didn't regret waiting. In fact, we spent those years focusing on our careers, focusing on US. We traveled around the region, we did as much fun things married couples do, we simply had fun. 

Finally 2013 came and we thought to ourselves : "This might be the right time." Then Singapore happened. I tell you, life really has a funny way of steering the wheel for us. We grabbed the opportunity while shocking almost everyone here in Manila with our sudden move. Together, we dealt with adjusting in a brand new country, meeting new people, getting used to a more independent life. Clearly, having a family had to take a step back as we wanted to settle in properly and to build a better life in the Lion City first. 

Time flew by so fast. In the span of 3+ years -- Paul found a job that he's really passionate about. I learned a great deal of things from my own career. We have been flying back and forth Manila and Singapore on a quarterly basis. My dear Ama left us. We got siblings who tied the knot. Finally, Paul and I got our own place. 

Only when Paul and I decided to move to our own flat in the Lion City, it was then we both felt -- it was time. Prior to that, we've had our share of hurtful comments thrown our way. One particular relative even told us how selfish we were for focusing too much on our career and not caring that we do not have a kid yet. Another insisted that we go for IVF despite us telling her that we did all the tests and we're both n-o-r-m-a-l. I tell you, people will never keep their mouths shut and they will always have something to say. Some a bit more subtle than the other but they're pretty much all the same. You'd even be surprised that even those whom you're not even close with would care so much about your child bearing plans. I got friends coming up to me asking if we got plans of having a baby because so and so are asking and I'd wonder..why do they even care. We also got acquaintances and "friends" who would act as our spokesperson telling others of what they think is the reason why we don't have kids yet. Seriously. 

Over the years, I've grown to have my own set of answers and polite reactions to all these but we're human too and some comments can really sting. These people continue to talk while Paul and I would spent hundreds of dollars to have ourselves checked and each time the result would show that nothing's wrong, we'd continue to wonder what's taking so long. We'd continue to keep ourselves healthy and "stress-free" as most would tell us to do. Unsolicited advises continue to come without knowing that I would cry my heart out whenever my period would come on a monthly basis. Still, comments would never stop coming and believe me, they were not helpful at all. I guess, it's also a bit of a blessing that we're living away from Manila where most of the comments were coming from. At least we just have to deal with them during those times that we're in town. 

Christmas 2016 was our turning point. Paul and I agreed that 2017 will be our year and we will do anything to make our dream come true. We continued to stay positive yet at the same time, I have partly accepted the possible reality that it will just be me and him and we were both fine with that. The year began with lesser stress at work. We tried to make the most of our time at home, watching Netflix, enjoying each other's company, veering away from negative vibes and staying healthy. 

We also prayed A LOT. Like many, I pray at night but there are only several instances in my life when I honestly can say that I've prayed really really hard and this was definitely one of those moments. I would pray so hard that I'd tear up. It was then that I realized how much I really wanted to have a child and how ready I already am. We prayed at church and would visit the Buddhist temple too. If only I can call all the gods up there, I would have done that too. 

After all, I realized that unlike everything else in your life where you can pretty much plan and control the outcome. Having a baby will never be one of those. He or she will be given to you at the right time for the right reason. Thus, we both lifted it up to Him. 

Then came 8 March 2017. I've read up so much on early signs of pregnancy and while I may or may not have felt some of it, I tried to not assume as I didn't want my heart to be broken by another negative stick. However, I caved a day before my doctor's appointment and secretly took the home pregnancy test on the morning of the 8th. I did the whole routine which I've memorized by heart and given that I was so sleepy still, my mind was blank. No expectations, they would say. It was then that I saw that dark + sign and I even had to grab the manual to make sure I'm reading it right. I couldn't believe it. It was clearly my first time to get a positive sign and I quickly ran out of the bathroom and woke Paul up. Being the non-assuming person that he is, he looked at the stick, told me to do it again tomorrow and went back to bed. Sorry guys, no dramatic crying or hugging took place as he went back to snoozeville while I stood there staring at the stick with a million things running in my mind. 

We got the confirmatory positive result from our doctor the following day but chose to keep mum about it as we didn't want to jinx it.  However, I'm not going to lie. The moment that I found out that I was pregnant, nothing else in the world mattered anymore. All I cared about was the well-being of the miracle growing inside me. I was literally on Cloud 9 with a mix of paranoia too. 

However, the surprise didn't stop there. On our 10th week, we went in for a scan and our doctor asked Paul to count the number of sacs that he could see. I initially thought that was a very odd question and when Paul said he can see one. She corrected Paul and said "no! there's two! One...two!" We were both in shocked! Yes, on the screen there were our beautiful twins. Well, as they say.. when it rains, it pours! 

I guess this was His way of giving us the go signal that we are ready to be parents and He believed that our hearts are big enough to love two at a time. 

So there you go, that was roughly 24 weeks ago and we both look forward to each week as we watch my belly grow and the twins growing at rapid speed. Being pregnant has also brought us even closer than before. Paul has been extra caring and concerned for my well-being that's making me love him even more. I appreciate how he would make sure that I stay relaxed while he do most of the work for us. He'll be an amazing dad and the twins are so lucky to have him. 

The wait brought out the best in us. It made us see the value and importance of starting a family. It prepared us to hopefully be the best parents for our twins and it made us promise that we will do anything in our capacity to give them the best lives possible. I haven't met them in person yet but my heart is bursting with so much love for them. 

To all those who are also praying for a baby know that he/she/they will come at the right time. What matters is that your relationship with your husband stay solid strong and please do not ever let society dictate when is the right time to start a family. Do it at your own pace. Be sure you're physically, emotionally, psychologically and most importantly, financially ready. Comments will come and go and all you have to do is to stay strong all the time. Learn to tune out all the negative ones and embrace the good vibes. 

Lastly, to all those who have given unsolicited comments (tip: read up on IVF, etc before even suggesting that), who bothered to ask, gossip or add intrigue about one's child bearing plans, to those who have said hurtful comments to couples without kids yet... shame on you. :)

*special thanks to Spanky for inspiring us with this blog entry's title :P

13 comments:

  1. So happy for your Fran!!
    March 8 is Kailee's birthday.

    Hahaha!!

    Love always, Didi

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    1. thanks so much Didi! yes 8 March is Kailee's birthday, the day we also flew back from the US 6 years ago (tama?)

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  2. Hi mare!

    This is such a beautiful and loving blog post. This early, I could tell that you and pareng P will be great parents. You could have all the efficient yayas, popular baby items, and educational books in the world but nothing will match the love of dedicated and excited Mommies and Daddies. Don't mind the tactless comments those are just attempts to question your happiness from people who are not contented. Promise you'll never stop receiving that. (As early as a week, somebody will ask you I bet when you'll have another baby. Ha ha ha ha!) I'm so happy for your journey and excited to attend events with your upcoming duo! Just message me if you need anything. Mwaaah! Love you mare! I'll see you soon!

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    1. sending you all the love Mare! thank you so much for the kind words <3 see you soon!

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  3. I know it's more common in our culture but it will never fail to shock me people weigh in on others' plans regarding having kids. Ack.

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    1. tell me about it.. guess we just have to deal with it :)

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  4. Hey Fran and Paul!
    I kind of read about you guys being pregnant much sooner, but it's not until I read this story now that I want to really say, "Congratulations!" Not only for the pregnancy, or having twins, but for holding each other's hand and being there for each other in this journey. How timely you found out on the 8th of March. At that time, our daughter Shanice turned 7 months old. Ours was also a story laced with a lot of details, waiting, emotions and what not. But despite having to wait 6.5 years before finally seeing a + result on a test kit... all the long wait seems to have drifted off and replaced by immense joy and thankfulness. I am so so so sure you guys will be great Parents.

    Mad love from our family to yours

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    1. awww thank you so much Mause!! <3 the 8th of March will always be special for us from now on :)

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  5. My heart is bursting with happiness for you and JP, Fran!! I read every word with feelings!! Haha!! Couldn't be more happier for you guys!!! Hugs!!!

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    1. we miss you so much Chel! :) Please visit soon as I'd love the twins to meet their sweet auntie Chel.

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  6. Wee! I'm so happy for you Fran! :) Exciting times. Thanks for sharing this with us but OMG on all the comments from Manila. :O Doncha worry, that shall be deemed as a good warm up for the deluge of child-rearing comments. Hahahaha.

    Seriously though, I'm so happy for you guys! :) Hope to see you soon! :)

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    1. that's exactly what my sister told me! the comments and unsolicited advises will never stop. :) haha it's ok. Good vibes all the way nalang :) See you soon!

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  7. So happy for you Fran! RELATE much! Thank you for that inspiring story! Can't wait to see your babies! <3

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