I wasn't really intending to write this in my blog as I really wanted to keep my feelings private. Yes, as much as I am very open with everything else in my life, I try to keep all things related to family a secret. However, I also realized that writing has always been my outlet to express what I truly feel inside. I write when I'm happy, I write when I'm stress so it just makes perfect sense to also write now that my heart has been broken for the very first time in my life.
Our relationship has always been different compared to most people. While others would regard their grandparents as elderly members of the family whom they rarely have any deep interaction with, I would say that you and Kongkong have played one of the most important roles in my life. I never felt any difficulty in telling you my thoughts and feelings. You know everything about me and Pan that it just felt so normal to share everything with you down to the tiniest details. I guess, it's because I knew that no matter what, you'll always be there ready to support and cheer on me.
Ama, you have always been one of my favourite supporter and cheerleader. I will never forget that one time when I experimented with the microwave oven and out came a disastrous scrambled egg. It tasted like nothing I have imagined yet you readily ate it and told me that it was good. That's how you've always been. Always generous with your praises every single time.
For the past week, I just kept on recalling all the funny, happy and heartwarming memories that we've shared together. There were just so many of them, Ama. Thank you for being there for me for 33 years. You're really the best Ama in the world and I'm just so lucky to have you in my life.
Most of all, thank you for waiting for me and JP. I knew that you were already struggling but you waited till we landed in Manila and got to the hospital to be beside you. I will always remember how your hand felt when I held it for the last time. I hope you heard all the things I told you then and most of all, when I told you that I love you. I really meant it.
There's still a lot of things I want to tell you, Ama. My heart is still badly broken and I don't even know if it will even heal again but I just keep on reminding myself that I have a beautiful angel up there watching over me and the entire family. I will continue to make you proud, that I promise you.
I love you Ama,